Fear.

So another terrifying thing about being diabetic is driving when your blood sugar drops. This happened to me about three days ago. I left Staples (where I work- which is about a half a mile or less from my house) wearing a tutu, leggings, a Ninja Turtle shirt, and a cardigan (Halloween week at work...) to get a pizza to take home to Zachary at 9:30.  I talked to Zachary during the ten minutes it took for the pizza to get ready and felt completely fine. I was making complete sense and acted like normal. I went in and got a cheese pizza, bread sticks, and two drinks (a regular Pepsi and a diet Pepsi). I got into my car and headed home. From this point on my memory of what happen is scattered. I don't remember how I got so far away from the pizza place but I ended up about a forth of a mile past our house- next to the air port. I remember calling Zachary and telling him I was lost, which he couldn't understand because I drive the same path every night. Then my phone died. A guy pulled up in a truck (I think) and asked if I needed help. I told him I was lost and that I wanted to go home. My phone had some juice and I ended up on the phone with Zachary again. The truck guy told me that I was going to get pulled over because I was drunk. That's when I yelled, "I'M NOT DRUNK!!". Zachary tried to get me to give the guy (it hit him what was actually going on) the phone so he could find out where I was. But I wouldn't do it and the guy drove off. I remember people honking at me because I just stopped in the middle of my lane and put my car in park without any flashers. I also remember thinking that it was all a dream and that someone would rescue me. When Zachary realized what had happened he called my mom, who called my siblings. My parents and my older brother drove (who live about twenty minutes away) to my house. On the way my mom thought maybe I though I was going to her house and took the back road at the last minute and my older brother took the highway. My mom found me by chance. I was freezing (it was about 34 degrees out and like I said before, I wasn't dressed for the weather). My dad opened my car door to turn on my flashers and grabbed onto him. I didn't even recognize him but I was freezing. Shortly my husband and the police came. I grabbed Zachary as tight as I could when he got there. He tested my blood sugar. It was 39. At some point I tried to eat the bread sticks that I was taking home. At another point, I threw them up.The EMTs got there around 11:00. I was lost for about an hour and a half. I am so thankful the EMTs  got my blood sugar back up, however, one of them was a jerk. The thing I don't think people realize that when I am in this state, I do not do well with strangers, unfamiliar things, or things happening that I don't know what they are (like getting an IV without being told that I am getting an IV). I feel like they should be gentle and just let the person who is sick (in this case the crazy diabetic) know what is happening. Did I mention that I couldn't see anything? Another awesome perk of a low blood sugar- little to no vision. In the ambulance, I was so cold that they couldn't get an IV in me, so they had to give me gel glucose (three things of it). I just kept shivering and my arms were blue. I was so cold.

My blood sugar eventually raised and I went home (I did NOT drive!) My sister (who lives about 40 minutes away) met us at my house. Everyone told me how scared they were. I tried not to show my fear because I didn't want to be weak. It was the scariest moment of my life. I had no idea what was going on. I was cold. I couldn't see. It was horrible. Just like before, every moment counted. On top of hurting myself, since I was probably driving insanely, I could have hurt or killed someone. These thoughts scare the crap out of me. It's a horrible thought. I don't know if I will be able to drive myself again.